


Not So Sweet Night

by Vante_20



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten is Whipped, Family Feels, Heavy Angst, I am sorry Kun, I will tag this when I am more awake, Insecurity, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Mentioned WayV Ensemble, Multi, OT7, Polyamorous Recs, Polyamory, Qian Kun is Whipped, Qian Kun-centric, Sad Qian Kun, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Soft Qian Kun, Soft Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Sweet Qian Kun, Sweet Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas is Whipped, insecure kun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28901310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vante_20/pseuds/Vante_20
Summary: Kun is drowning in self hate. WayV(ten) thinks Kun is cheating on them.Discord link to appreciate bootyful hoomans like Kun: https://discord.gg/fx3gcKC9
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Qian Kun, Liu Yang Yang/Qian Kun, Qian Kun/Everyone, Qian Kun/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery, Qian Kun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Qian Kun/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Comments: 39
Kudos: 136





	1. Not So Sweet Night

Kun's usually small studio felt large. He sat in the corner of the room, his iPad in his lap, playing god knows what. His head was too filled with voices and thoughts to notice the characters or story filling the screen in front of him. His eyes were glazed over, hazy yet not a single tear fell down.  
Because that's how Qian Kun was. That's how he had to be. For his bandmates. For his family. For his "kids". Most importantly for his members, his boyfriends. He was their leader, their strength, their voice of reason, their pillar.   
_Pillar_ , Kun thought slightly amused. _Cracked, misplaced, stained, old pillar._ Kun never understood how he could be their strength when he was broken himself. How he could be their voice of reason when his own mind betrayed him over and over again. How could he lead them when he was lost himself.   
He never understood how the other six angels loved him. He didn't deserve even a bit of it. He wasn't experienced on stage like beautiful, mesmerising Ten nor could he dance like him. He couldn't be thoughtful or sweet or talented as the silent but strong when needed Sicheng. He wasn't as tall or good looking with a powerful deep voice as their happy-go lucky and strangely philosophical Xuxi. His vocals aren't melodious or smooth as the quirky Dejun. He couldn't cheer people up with a simple smile or easy coming jokes like their prince Guangheng. He couldn't raise spirits of his members and keep the morale positive like their baby, Yangyang. He.....he was just Kun-ge. There wasn't anything special. Just fucking Qian Kun.   
He glanced up at the poster of his family that he had in his studio, to remind him of his home away from home yet today it only reminded him of how out of place he looked. _An extra. Always an extra._  
Kun shut his eyes and tried taking deep breaths. But his lungs betrayed him just like his hands which trembled and itched to hold something. He wanted to curl up and rest his head on his knees but his choreographer's voice echoed through his mind. _Don't move like that. You look fat. Yangyang take Kun's place. Kun, at the corner._  
The ache from the practice hours still rested in his muscles and bones. And his chest and back hurt even more from the hits. His leg shook despite his attempt to ground himself. His phone lit up and he turned slowly hoping it was one of his angels. It wasn't. It was a summon to another meeting. Kun got up, supporting himself on the wall. He looked up at the white ceiling and sighed. He didn't have time or the energy to break down. He walked to his desk and collected his belongings, shaking out his emotions and unnecessary thoughts and locked them away. He looked at his phone while he walked to the room, pretending to be texting someone when there wasn't the single text or call anyways. _It's just twelve. Ten, Xuxi and even Dejun have returned way late past that._  
Once seated in the cold meeting room with their managers and executives, Kun was bombarded with all sorts of questions. Whys, what's and how's. Many that Kun could not answer but he had learnt through the experience of last two years. He had learnt to bargain rest time between schedules of two different bands for the always working, Ten, instead offering them his time which was usually "was not necessary." or "required only Ten." He endured the hate, the taunts and the lashes to get Xuxi back. He would spend hours arguing for the drama for his sweetheart Dejun. He went back and forth with producers to allot more lines to darling Winwin. He took brunt for fun-loving Hendery's and Yangyang's slip ups or misconduct. And that's what he did today. Despite his mind being painfully numb, despite the reduction of lines, despite the rejection of his self produced works. He did what he did the best, protecting his didis.  
Three hours passed and Kun walked out of the company, looking at the text Yangyang had sent alerting him that all members had reached home. He put it on silent but keeping the vibrate on, too scared to miss out anything which his boyfriends need or want. He trudged through the snow, his cold hands buried in his pockets and still freezing. The city was surprisingly quiet, maybe due to the snow blessing the city with its presence since last three days or maybe due to the ungodly hour, Kun couldn't be sure. After all city was still strange to him, way different from his small hometown. Seoul was large, populated with strangers. Kun was one of them too, strange to the city and his own body.   
Kun's head ached along with his screaming muscles. His ears felt like they would bleed anytime along with a few cuts he already sported, due to the constant music flowing through his EarPods but he refused to lower the volume. Perhaps if he had he would notice the footsteps behind him. But Kun didn't know he was being followed until he was a block away from the dorm and he was pulled into an alley by a tight grip on his hair.   
His voice, still hoarse from the recording let out a surprised noised and his eyes met familiar amber eyes. Eyes that smiled at his boyfriends every morning and night but glared at him across the table merely an hour ago. He felt himself being pushed deeper into the alley and his cheek stinging the moment his back hit the wall. He cupped his cheek, still in shock and looked up in disbelief but his dulled senses only registered a sharp pain in the back of his head, a cracking sound and eyes. Familiar, dark amber eyes.


	2. Warm Showers

Hot showers are the best, decides Kun. The warm water, almost bordering into scalding soothed Kun's bruised skin like a salve and comforted his mind like a hug from one of his boyfriends. God it had been long since he hugged and cuddled his boyfriends through the night while some random movie or playlist played.  
His boyfriends were currently eating peacefully, actually no, Kun is sure the kitchen is still in chaos that he has grown to love. He knows Ten and Xuxi would be in hurry to get extra practice in but Ten would still reprimand their youngest to stop playing games and actually eat. Dejun and Guangheng would be taking turns feeding Sicheng so he doesn't end up gobbling down food way too fast for Kun's liking.  
A deep sigh escapes his chest and he leans his forehead against the tiles. He wonders how long it's been since he entered the bathroom. There wasn't a single knock on the door so he figures he still has time until they leave for the company again. Where he supposedly spent the last night or at least that's what his boyfriends believed.  
Don't get Kun wrong, he hates lying to them but last night someone else made the choice for him. All he remembers is waking up in snow last night over with added bruises and pain blooming across the recent bruises. When he had managed to clear his head and gather strength he got up and made his way back to the dorms. He looked at his watch and noticed he had only one hour and half before they leave for the day and he had to make breakfast too. He enters, still trying to come up with some kind of excuse for not returning home when the smell of eggs hit his senses. He walked into the kitchen to see Sicheng and the youngest two making fried eggs and toast.  
"Hey Kun-ge, go go clean up. I made eggs. See they aren't burnt this time."  
Sicheng shows off his eggs proudly which in turn makes Kun beam at him despite his exhaustion. "I will set the table at least."  
"Thanks Gegee",  
Yangyang jumps up and leaves the moment he hears Kun's proposition, eager to beat Donghyuk at some game.  
Kun nods slightly disappointed, no one asked about his whereabouts while he would stay up until wee hours just to make sure they are in bed safe, sound and getting all the rest and cuddles they need.  
Kun sets the table and leaves to make sure each member has their little trinkets they will need but forget to take. Ten's USB with all the necessary files, some energy bars for Lucas, Dejun's glasses, Guangheng's charger and Yangyang's face mask.  
He leaves them all on the table as usual and finally goes to shower after the last member steps out.  
A knock sounds on the door just in time Kun to turn off the shower. "GE IT'S BEEN AN HOUR. GET THE FUCK OUT!"  
Kun blinks, an hour.. what the hell. He recovers and responds,  
"I am coming Hendery! Calm down!"  
He hurries to get dressed and walks out. He looks at Dejun and Hendery jumping on the bed in their usual shorts. "Why aren't you two ready?"  
"Manager nim called. We have a day off and from tomorrow we practice for a comebackkk."  
A chill runs down Kun's spine at the mention of their manager. He nods and hurries out. "I am going to the studio. Order food okay?"  
He doesn't wait for a reply and walks out. He trudges through the snow without a clue of where he is actually heading. His brain pondering on his boyfriend's words and last night's incident. It seemed like the comeback was almost am reward or result of what happened last night. His thoughts and sense of direction don't make any sense yet he continues walking through the fresh layer of white.


	3. Hints at Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next two chapters are going to be from the point of view of rest of NCT members. This is mostly just an filler chapter and the next chapter we find out what's exactly happening with Kun and why.

Yangyang had tried to cover his disappointment when he woke up to an empty space between all his boyfriends on the couch which they moved to the terrace. They had planned and set up for their eldest boyfriend's favorite activity, star gazing, and fell asleep waiting for the said boyfriend. The following morning when they noticed his absence and were about to call him, Yangyang read out Kun's message on the "family" group. The eldest had decided to spend another night in the studio which had Ten almost raging cause it's been a while since they all spent time together and all their effort had gone to waste. But they knew how much work meant to Kun and how much he loved music despite all the set backs due to the management and wanted to encourage him as all they could.  
So they all kissed and cuddled a bit more and then proceeded to clean up and put on a smile when Kun-ge did arrive back. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Kun offered to take up Yangyang's part in the kitchen, Guangheng noticed a blueish red mark on the elder's neck, pealing a out a little from underneath his shirt. He watched him exchange a smile with Sicheng who had supposedly stayed back to help the elder with his moves yesterday. Guangheng figured that practising wasn't the only thing they got upto and Sicheng was like that. He loved marking his lovers so everyone knows but Kun was always careful to not get caught. Guangheng shrugs off the thought and makes a mental note to ask ge to conceal it before they leave knowing how the fear of getting caught stresses the eldest out. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sicheng smiled and served his boyfriends, two of whom were hurrying to go practice with their sunbaenims. He had offered to cook so Kun-ge who had just arrived home a bit ago could rest.  
They all were getting used either ordering take out or eating disasters made by their other boyfriends. Kun-ge was rarely ever home to cook and when he did it was like something was off. It reminded them of their early days when Kun tried to make new recipes to satisfy their craving and while they almost always needed to add a bit of salt or sauce, they still loved the warmth and love they felt when they had the dish.  
Sicheng bit into the fried egg toast and had to take a sip of water to recover his tastebuds. He rolled his eyes at how his younger boyfriends tried to praise his salty eggs without wincing. But he knew they all missed ge's homely, filled with love cooking a lot cause he did too. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dejun jumped on his bed with Guangheng, laughing before finally falling on the bed and staring up at the ceiling while the other still kept jumping. He glanced at Kun-ge getting ready. He did not miss the bags under his eyes and how the sweater, Ten-ge had gifted him and he had obediently worn it like a bazzilion times, now hung a bit too loosely on his shoulders.  
He observed the slight expression of panic and surprise when Guangheng informed him of the change in schedule. Dejun's heart dropped when Kun-ge declared that he will spend the day off in the studio and he quickly distracts Guangheng with kisses all over his face when he sees him mirror an expression same as him. Hurt.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lucas leans against the dorm elevator as he kisses the back of Ten's hand tiredly. They both had fallen asleep late while waiting for their leader and he knew Ten was still slightly agitated due to the elder's new habit of cooping himself in his studio. Ten shoots him a somewhat encouraging smile and pulls him away from the wall when they arrive at the parking. He let's the shorter lead the way, trying to pull him back while acting cute. Ten whines and pushes him into the car. They both greet their manager and look out the window, their hands still connected in between.  
After a while their manager clears his throat and glances back at them, "Did Kun reach back home?"  
They both look at manager while giving a small nod. They had been believing that the eldest used the company car to get back. He himself had it a rule after the whole incidence with Lucas. Their manager looks out on the road but Lucas doesn't fail to notice the slight smirk on his lips and the glint in his eyes. Both he was very familiar with. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ten was pretty annoyed when the younger ones told him that Kun-ge had yet not returned from the company even though it was their day off and the time currently was one freaking a.m. Ten is honestly tired of his boyfriend pushing him away. Of pushing all of them away. Ten knows all of them have been suspecting something is wrong with their eldest but Kun has his shit sorted like all the time so this is new for them. They gave him enough time to come to them but after spending two days straight away from home, Ten has enough. So Ten does what he thinks is the right way to put an end to this. He storms his way through the company halls with Xuxi on his tail trying to get him to calm down.  
Ten bangs open the door to Kun's studio, eyes wide in surprise.


	4. Late Nights

Lucas peak’s over his boyfriend’s shoulder, Kun-ge was no where to be seen in the studio. He wondered if they had missed him. Ten-ge and him exchange glances and go to their producer who often kept their gege company and gave feedback to improve upon.  
However Lucas felt a weird ball of both anxiety and despair in his stomach when their producer-nim said that Kun-ge had not arrived at the studio at all and he too had been trying to reach him all day long. Lucas looked over to see Ten-ge running his hand through his hair. He was the one who picked up their youngest’s call and was informed that Kun-ge had not even texted them to ask about their whereabouts. Kun-ge who would want to know each detail of their day, who would go out of his way to make sure his boyfriends ate, even ordering food from Asian places close to their hotels in the states despite not well versed in English when Lucas and Ten were too busy in their schedules.  
This made the already tired and annoyed Tenten to snap and start the quest to look for the elder. After walking out of the studio, the pair walked round asking the staff if they had seen Kun-ge to which they almost always got a negative answer. 

The pair gave up after looking through all the practice rooms and decided to head back home. Both collected their stuff from the practice room, Ten blowing up Kun-ge's phone which was apparently switched off. Lucas rubs his back while he tries to call their manager who wasn’t picking up. Lucas sighed and rubbed his forehead, “He isn’t picking up. Let’s walk home. We aren’t alone anyways and Kun-ge won’t know.”  
Ten shoots him a look which seemed like a mix of glare and exasperation. He finally gives in when Lucas gives him a pout. “Fine but Kun always knows. I swear to god he is some sort of Harry Potter witch.” Lucas laughs and tugs Ten towards the exit after making sure they both are wearing their caps and masks.  
They walk through the back exit, meant only for the artists to avoid the fans, sharing ear pods, holding hands. Ten loves the warmth of Xuxi’s big hands. He smiles slightly and trudges through the snow. He wonders if Kun too walked through so much of snow but alone, if he is still walking around somewhere. 

The two of them keep walking until they are almost a block away from the dorm. A car pulls up ahead of them, Ten stops and squints to look at the number plate. Lucas gives him a look at the sudden stop and glances back at the car. His double take confirms that it was indeed their company’s car, in fact the one which was particularly assigned to them. They watch Kun-ge stumble out of it and bow to someone inside the car. The car quickly leaves and Kun-ge turns towards their dorm. He is barely able to walk a few steps before he collapses to his knees right in front of them. “Ge!”


	5. Little Do You Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting worse. A lot of you guessed it right, Kun is getting abused by his manager. In the next chapter hopefully I will delve deeper into what and how it exactly happened.

Kun looks away from Ten’s intense glare at him, while he looks down and lets out a meek apology. They had been going through the new choreographies, rushing to pick them up and perfect them and Kun was messing up. Everyone had nailed down the moves but Kun kept stumbling and moving a beat behind. 

His muscles strained and burned, certain spots hurting more than others. His long sweatpants and hoodie stifling in the heat of the practice room but Kun keeps trying his best when the music starts over. They had been at this for almost three hours now, after half a day of vocal practice. Kun had already started seeing the signs of exhaustion on his boyfriends faces. 

Yangie’s German slipping out from under his breath.  
Ten’s leg shaking ever so slightly, in both exhaustion and annoyance.  
Sicheng getting quieter by the minute.  
Guangheng and Dejun taking longer to catch their breaths and Xuxi simply walking over to restart the music than giving out encouragements like usual. 

Kun goes through his mental to do list, made for making sure his boyfriends are alright at the end of the day but obviously now was not the time.  
Kun snaps out of his thoughts when he registers himself falling face first, if not for Dejun’s grip around him. This caused Ten to finally lose the control on his anger. The shorter turns to him, glaring full on, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING KUN?!” He storms upto the elder and pushes him back slightly, “What the fuck is up with you huh?! All of us are fucking tired. Of you fucking up everytime. Of repeating again and again."  
"EVERYONE HAS THE MOVES DOWN, QIAN KUN. Maybe if you actually practice than rotting away in that studio only to get rejected every damn time."  
Kun looks down, shame flooding through him. He knew most of his works never made it to the album or to their fans. When and if any of them were selected, they would be changed until they are no longer the same cause that's what's the fans will like more. Kun also knows that Ten is just exhausted and all this is the result of overworking but he believes each word of the younger one.  
He knows his other boyfriends ate exchanging looks, thinking that finally someone spoke up about the elephant in the room but his focus remains on blinking away the blurriness from his vision.  
The music is switched off flooding the room with brief silence, mostly by Xuxi who was the closest to the device. The silence is broken again by Ten who now looked at Kun with something undecipherable in his eyes.  
"I wonder what you are upto in that studio or if you are ever in there even." Kun recognises the venom in the tone and looks away. It's similar to how Ten got annoyed at him when he spotted Kun in the snow that night. That night, Kun had assured the worried Xuxi that he had merely tripped and was tired after long day of solo schedule. But Ten was annoyed and kept coming at Kun with questions after questions till they reached their apartment and their youngest dragged Ten away. Kun remembered the disappointment on the faces of his younger boyfriends just like he remembers venom in Ten's tone. 

Someone calls out to Ten hesitantly, with a twinge of warning but Ten ignores it in favour of glaring at their manager who walked in.  
"Right you are too busy going on " Unannounced secret schedules", am I right or am I right Gege?" I wonder how much ass you kissed to get those. Maybe you that's how you got upto here hm? To being a leader who is never there for his members. Too busy flattering Manager-nim."  
Kun can only look up at Ten in disbelief. "I don't fucking care what you do with your life, Kun-ssi but fucking don't lead the rest of my babies with hopes of your fake love."  
Kun felt like he was slapped but then that would hurt less than this.  
"Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul. Get out. Rest of you too. Kun. Stay."  
"Of course, of course. Have fun, Kunnie." Ten leaves and slowly the others file out, avoiding looking at their leader and manger.  
Kun wants to puke and retch out the little amount of food in his system. He wants to disagree with his manager. To hold Ten and tell him that he is wrong. But Kun couldn't even process the movement of his boyfriends shuffling out around him.  
He doesn't process the manager walking across the room to stand in front of him.  
But he does register the sound of the slap and the sting in his cheek. And it hurt.


	6. Endless Thoughts

Kun stares blankly at the ceiling of the practice room, tears flowing down his cheeks, in too much pain to even move an inch. He tries to make sense of where he went wrong. He remembers when their old manager, the one who took out his rage on Kun occasionally, introduced them to their current one and it was almost like monster replaced by another monster.  
Hyejinn-ssi had first made him stay over and practice all night after Kun messed up during the SM Town Live. Then on it was a cycle. A vicious one indeed.  
Kun would be called over, threatened and blackmailed until he caved in and did what was requested. He practiced extra hours so he won't let the group down, holed up himself in studio to finish a track urgently so the management could consider its release, he stepped again and again on the weighing scale to make sure he looked his best according to the manager and then took all the hits when he spoke up for the others.  
He took in all the insults and kicks to get them more promotions. He even let the man touch and use him to secure the upcoming comeback.  
But he missed out on their group dates, on their hangouts, on their departure and arrival from their hometowns and promotions. He couldn't get his body move after their "practice sessions".  
Just like now. Everything hurt. Other than the surface pain from the hits and the endless dancing, there was a deep ache in his chest. He tried to blink out the blurriness and focus on his irregular breathing. He shut his eyes tight and prayed to not be woken up.

Of course his prayers were unanswered as he heard footsteps and then a sharp kick landed against his ribs pulling out a groan from him.   
"Get up you lacking piece of worthless shit. You can't even get through fucking practice, what kind of leader are you even huh?"  
He turns his back away from the man, who kept raining down kicks after kicks on his battered body. Just as he gets up on his feet slowly, his hair is pulled and led towards the centre of the room.   
"You go home only when you get it right, stop with the laziness. Everyone other than you fucking works hard."  
Kun unable to form a response just moves along to the music when it starts. It was already four in the morning.


	7. Catching Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aka Yuta spills tea.
> 
> TO ANYONE READING THIS.  
> Whose point of view yall wanna see next??

After Ten had stormed out of the tensed and heated practice room, Sicheng and others walked out slowly, minds numb and confused. Millions of questions running wild. The group broke away right in front of the practice room, his tallest boyfriend and his youngest baby walking off to go after Ten-ge.  
He turned to the other two and watched how they nervously shifted. He gave Guangheng a small pat on the shoulder, “I am supposed to be with 127 hyung for the night, go home and order something okay? And it will be fine, we had fights before.” (If only he could know that it will indeed not be fine.)  
He ruffles Dejun’s hair and hands him his card. “It’s on me. Go. And um…text on the group once you reach home and ahh sleep early.” He looks around and places a kiss on each of their cheeks and turns around to walk to his previous dorm. 

He wished he wasn’t the one telling them all this, he knew they all wished it was their eldest lover. The one who would always tuck them in with the second eldest, giving them goodnight kisses. Or cuddle them to sleep if they are restless.  
He wears his headphones and opens the music app, scrolling until his eyes land on the list of all the tracks Kun-ge sent. He clicks on it and his shoulder instantly relax. Kun-ge’s music had the power to put all of them to ease. His thoughts drift to his gege, who seemed more withdrawn lately, more pale even with make up, his dimpled cheeks more hollow like his eyes. 

He replays the fight in his mind, it all started due to Kun-ge stumbling often and blanking out. Then Ten who has been annoyed through out the practice due to his knee finally snapped but he also crossed an unspoken line. Correction, lines. It was an unspoken rule between them to never doubt each other’s efforts and hear each other out. To never let the managers or staff know about their differences and moreover to never let them find out about their relationship.  
But then again it was usually Kun-ge and Ten-ge, their two parent like boyfriends, who helped them sort out everything, dragging them into the circle and making them talk. Now that it is them who is fighting, all of them are lost. 

Sicheng’s thoughts are cut off when he realised he had arrived at the 127 dorm. He rings the bell and shoots Jungwoo who opens the door, a small smile and walks in, making small talk. After he enquires about the rest of the members of the tenth floor, he walks in to greet others and change for the night. He smiles at Yuta when the older walks. They both lie in the bed, Winwin getting into Taeil’s bed who was out for the night. They both talk around a bit, Winwin sticking to shorter replies which the elder notices but doesn’t mention.  
Eventually they get on the topic of the Chinese unit and Yuta turns to face Winwin, “Winwinnie is everything alright?”  
The Chinese member opens his eyes and glances at the Japanese, “What’s your definition of fine hyung?”  
“Um I… just the last time I saw Kun, he looked really….stressed? And down.” Sicheng sits up and looks at the long haired boy to confirm his suspicion and he was proven right by the sight of the elder fiddling with his sweater paws. Yuta hyung was holding back. “And? Is there something more to it, hyungie?”  
Yuta takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair, “I was supposed to change with him after the From Home performance last month right? And I did and left.”  
Sicheng raises his eyebrows, “Hmm, go on.”  
“I forgot my rings in there and went back. And….Kun was changing and he didn’t notice me.” God Sicheng loved Yuta hyung but right now his breath was caught in his lungs and he was already on the edge from all the tension earlier. “Get to the point hyung.”  
“His back and front was covered in bruises.”


	8. Discussions and Speculations

Ten looks up when Yangyang stops the elevator doors from shutting, “Wha-“, he sees Sicheng who was running to them in a rush, his phone pressed to his ear. He walks in ending the call when Ten notices that he had called Kun. “You really think he is gonna pick up?” Ten knows his voice still held slight edge.  
He had went to their favourite bar with Yangie and Xuxi to calm down but he was still upset. He couldn’t for the life of him come up with an explanation for Kun’s disappearing and having schedules which involved their one particular manager. 

He looks into the eyes of his cute chick like boyfriend who simply glowers back but softens and his hand reaches out to rub Ten’s back of the neck. Ten looks down, ashamed of his actions. He knew the younger ones didn't deserve the burnt of his anger and frustrations. He pulls Sichengie into a hug. “Ten-ge I think there is more to this than we are seeing right now.”  
Ten’s head snaps up and he watches Sicheng share looks with Yangyang and Xuxi. Xuxi speaks up from besides him,”I feel like that too but…weren’t you supposed to be with Yuta or Taeil hyung tonight?” Sicheng nods, “I ran back here from theirs.” They put the conversation on pause when the doors open, until they walk into their own home.  
“Yangie get Junnie and Hendery please.” Yangie nods and walks into his shared room with Kun and Dejunnie. 

Ten looks at Sicheng puzzled, he notices how the younger is in his sleepwear and leather jacket but doesn’t look like he slept. It was around four thirty in the morning but Ten knows how much he missed his 127 members sometimes and nights like these were reserved for talking and catching up, although Ku- Ten looks away in annoyance, it hurts when he thinks of Kun. So he doesn’t, instead he turns to their giant baby and makes him sit on the couch and gets on his lap like a kitten. Louis and Leon would be jealous if they looked at him but Ten just blames it on the buzz given by alcohol.  
The taller simply pulls him closer to his chest and rubs his back, Ten knows he too is worried about everything and Ten really wants to comfort him but he feels like he is at the end of his own wits. 

The younger three file back in and Sicheng makes them all sit in a circle like K- no, their leader does. Ten feels his heart grow warm at their chick’s attempt to be responsible gege, he turns to face others and smiles at how the youngest three huddle together.  
He watches Sicheng turn to Dejunnie, who was sitting next to him, and ask him to say what he changes he noticed in their eldest in the last few months. He watches Sichengie repeats the question to every member until it’s his turn. Till now all the responses are matching.

Kun has grown distant to all of them. It didn’t mean that he stopped caring for them. No, he still woke them up with gentle whispers every morning, still listened to their problems and secretly put them to end like a fucking angel he is. 

But Kun never told anyone what he felt. It was already hard for them to get Kun to share his own burdens but they had made progress, which all of his boyfriends were proud of. The progressed which now rounded back to zero cause now he almost always avoided topics regarding himself. When his cooking reflected the change in him, he avoided that too.  
Of course they all noticed the physical changes too. The pale skin and dark eye bags couldn't be hidden from them even with the make up. They all noticed how his already loose clothes hung more loosely on his frame and sometimes he zoned out, completely somewhere else.  
Ten agrees with the others and sighs, “I don’t know what to make of his disappearances to be honest. I mean I am in the same boat as all of you but when I saw him get out of our car that night. I…I felt weird. Plus I did ask around the other staff about Kun’s schedule and they all told me to find Hyejinn-ssi. It…Why him…I don’t know guys.” He feels Xuxi’s big hand rest on his thigh and Hendery enveloping him in a side hug.  
Xuxi moves behind him, almost as if he was uncomfortable, making all eyes turn to him.  
“About Hyejinn-ssi, I feel really weird about him. Like something sinister. Like there is more to him. I- I can’t place my finger on it.” Ten turns back and kisses his cheek. “Me too baby, me too.” 

His other boyfriends nod and Sicheng gulps and speaks up, “Guys I don’t know how to fit all this information together but Kun-ge might be sick? Or hurting? Yuta hyung told me that last month after their stage he saw Kun-ge changing and his torso was covered with bruises. I don’t think it was one of us being wild cause even Yuta hyung said that they looked like they were like um….like result of an accident?”  
The rest of the members are left gaping and gauging his words, including Ten. His mind betrays him, forgetting how to come up with a sane conclusion of the new information presented to him.  
Hendery’s brain thankfully does remember so he supplies, “So Kun-ge might have had a accident without us knowing?” Sicheng nods. Yangie who has been pretty quiet through the whole ordeal, challenges the conclusion,”Or he could be sick, there are a lot of diseases….cancers that result in bruises. It would explain the long disappearances too, he could be in the hospital. The treatment sessions take a long time…each time.”  
Sicheng grimaces and opens his arms for Yangyang to fall into. One of Yangyang’s aunts had succumbed to cancer giving the youngest a hard time then. They all remembered the nights they spent, all huddled on the couch with the youngest in between and all the boyfriends fretting over him in their own ways. 

Dejun breaks the silence, “We will only know if we talk to either of them.” He pulls out his phone and blinks, “Its….six…wow. Kun-ge would kill us.” Ten lets out a quiet chuckle and watches him tap on his phone a few times. “And he is staying at the company. He will meet us at the practice.” Ten sighs and sits up straight,”Let’s get over this now itself then. I don’t think I can sleep until everything is sorted.”  
He watches his boyfriends nod and slowly untangle themselves from each other’s holds, exchanging small kisses and pecks. As he stands up and makes his way to the shower, Ten makes a quick prayer to all the deities out there that everything will be fine soon, including his eldest and most stubborn boyfriend.  
An hour later when the six lovers walk into the company in hopes of getting their seventh, their important missing piece to cave in they did not expect everything to be this bad. They did not expect to walk into their practice room to see their leader, their strength, their pillar to be on the floor, still in yesterday’s clothes that are drenched in sweat, struggling to breath, gasping while clutching his chest.


	9. Hold On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This is sad. Like really sad and a bit exaggerated so please be careful while reading it. You can totally skip this.

It was five o’ clock. Kun’s body felt like it was hit by a high speed rail. Everything hurt. His limbs were sore and heavy. The sole of his feet screamed in protest when he danced to the music.

His legs get caught up in one another when the song reaches the point that he has been trying to learn since the past hour. He falls forward, his hands barely saving his face from getting smashed on the cold floor. He wants to shout in agony when his chest takes the impact and he swears he hears the sound of minute cracking similar to one when Hyejinn-ssi kicked him. He lets out an unimpressive whimper, wishing his blurred vision blacks out and he never has to see light again. But none of that happens. 

He feels the imprint of shoes on his back and a swift kick to his side. He rolls on his side and looks up through the tears.  
“GET UP YOU STUPID PIECE OF FAT! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT YOUR MEMBERS TO LEARN? HOW DO THEY LOOK UP TO YOUR FAT ASS?”  
He feels himself being roughly hauled to his feet. And the music starts again. 

Soon the shortest hand of the clock moved to six. Kun doesn’t remember how long its been since he entered the practice room with his boyfriends. He couldn’t remember what the next step of the choreography was, his led-like stiff body moved sluggishly on his own, earning more screaming and insults and glares. The only thing that was fast was the music, the ragged breathing, and the trembling muscles. 

Thoughts about if his boyfriends reached home, if they ate before going to sleep, if Ten-ah was still mad at him. He felt sick to his stomach knowing he let his boyfriends down.  
How did he even think he was worthy of loving them? How could he love them, lead them, protect their beautiful, magical souls when he was so sick, so disgusting? Kun doesn’t even notice when he stopped dancing and was breathing harshly.  
He felt sharp pain in his cheek, when he looked up he saw their manager, shouting but heard the voice was of his lovers. “Cheater. Loser. Useless. Unnecessary. Failure of a leader. Failure of a boyfriend. Failure of an idol. What an excuse. Just a fucking waste of space.” He turns to the mirror when the music restarts but this time he could barely see anything. 

By the time the needle struck seven, Kun’s cheeks were wet with tears, his vision was filled with black spot and every breath hurt. His chest was felt like it was torn open. He collapsed to his knees after tripping god knows how many times. One hand clutching his side, other trying to make the spinning ground stop, while his body tried to figure out if it wanted to excel the air or take it in or just let him cough and retch in misery.  
His lover’s words moved about his head like a train going through its motions again and again. His senses shut down one by one. His vision blacks out, but he hears someone calling his name. He feels someone move him but he is too exhausted to cling to consciousness.


	10. Dread and Waiting Rooms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi, sorry for the slightly late update. I realised that recovery is the harder part of writing angst, so is getting into the mind of the character. BUT, we overcame that and here we are. 
> 
> I would greatly appreciate feedback about how you guys like it. Thank you for all those who commented and showered this work with kudos. *infinite hearts*
> 
> ALSO, we hit over 1000 hits BABY! *cheers*
> 
> This means a lot, although poor Kunkun suffered so much. *cries* I will try to make it up, promise. 
> 
> LOTS OF LOVE AND WARMTH TO Y'ALL,  
> Peace out

Dejun forgets how to move when he sees his Kun-ge on the floor. 

After an hour of showering and having Xuxi force feeding them, they finally had reached the company. The elevator ride to the studio of the eldest, was filled with tension and nerves. In front of Dejun, Xuxi had his hand on Hendery’s back, who was playing with Yangyang’s fingers. Ten was fretting over Dejun’s hair while Sicheng was lost in his thoughts besides him. Dejun couldn’t help but notice how the elevator almost seemed empty despite the six people in it, as if an important piece of them was missing. 

He followed his tallest boyfriend out when the elevator stopped, all of them greeting the staff members passing by. Dejun spotted Chenle coming out of Kun-ge’s studio and called out to the dream member. Chenle looked up from his phone, his pout blooming into a smile. “Helloo, wait where is Kun-ge?”  
Sicheng spoke up,”Wait he is not inside?”  
“He was supposed to be here. He promised me to meet me yesterday so we could practice before my recording at 10.” Dejun feels Hendery taking his hand, and Dejun wanted to kiss his palm comfortingly. “Oh um we came looking for him too.” Chenle looked puzzled at that. “What do you mean?”  
Dejun patted his shoulder, “He left the house early. We could part to look for him, will you check the other studios?” Chenle shot him a look which said that he could read the nerves in them but still nodded and turned to the other producing studios. “Ten-ge, Xuxi can you guys find Manager-nim? He should know right?” Ten nods, the small muscle in his jaw jumping when he gritted his teeth. “Me and Sicheng-ge will check the dance room. Others can ask around?” After Dejun gets nods in agreement, they all part ways. 

Sicheng and him take turns checking the rooms, calling out for their leader. Dejun opens the last door and dread hit him like a large cold snowball right at his core. Everything in his mind disappeared and he was left frozen taking in the scene. Kun-ge was on his knees, one hand on his ribs, struggling to breath. 

“KUN-GE!”  
He blinks when Sicheng rushes past him and tries to pull Kun up straight. Dejun rushes after and rubs the sweaty back of the eldest, who was rapidly blinking until his eyes rolled back into his head. With a loud bang Dejun sees other members rush in. He moves away to let a frantic Hendery and Tennie to surround the past out leader and stands up.  
He looks around to see Hyejinn-ssi walking out. “Manager-nim! Hyejinn-ssi!” He runs to hold the man, Xuxi behind him. Dejun manages to hold the manager’s sleeve and Xuxi doesn’t wait to throw a punch at the man’s face the moment he turns to them. “AH”

Dejun doesn’t bother with anger, patting his pockets to find the car keys. He runs back to the practice room. “Winwinie, car cmon.” Xuxi seemed to have caught up and came back into the room alone. Dejun hands the Chinese dancer the keys and watches Xuxi pick up their eldest lover with other lovers worryingly behind him. They get in the car and Dejun watches Sicheng-ge put all his attention to the road, trying to go faster while not overspeeding. He glances at the passed out member who kept moving in and out of conscious, breathing distressingly laboured.  
Xuxi jumps out the car the moment we park and walks into the quiet hospital. Fifteen minutes later, they all are left waiting outside while their boyfriend is taken care of professionals inside the hospital room. One heart struggling to calm down while six other ache outside.


	11. To Die For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is really short but I really wanted to show Kun's point of view.

Kun felt like he was drowning. His body felt afloat. His eyes watery. His limbs sluggish. His lungs were set on fire. Each intake of air hurt. So did each exhale. But what hurt most was the tears in the eyes of his Tennie. Hendery’s worry-filled eyes made him want to engulf the younger in a tight hug. 

The bumps and jostling hurt. But the muffled cries and whispers of his boyfriends hurt more telling him to keep his heavy eyelids open. And boy did he try. He tried to assure them, to keep his eyes peeled open. To squeeze the hands holding his. To smile upto the teary face above him but he couldn’t. Exhaustion was a powerful thing yet Kun fought it the best he could. 

Being lifted up hurt like a truck hitting him but the pained expression sported by their gaint baby made it feel like his heart was shot at. Another slow attempt of opening the weighed eyes and he saw his Junnie and Yangie. Dejunnie looked like the lost baby Kun met during his trainee days. Yangie looked like he was going to cry any moments. 

Kun’s heart felt like it was ripped out of his chest. He failed at protecting his soulmates, his family, his closest confidants who each held a piece of his heart. Kun hated watching them in pain. Kun wanted to take their pain away and make it his. But before he could, he was taken away by the hospital staff and the darkness.


	12. Broken (ribs)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I am not an expert about mental health or physical health. The report by the doctor could be medically wrong, especially about the anxiety part. I tried my best but let me know if something is up. 
> 
> Lots of love and warmth,  
> Peace out
> 
> PS- I made a discord server to fan over NCT, Kun and Kpop basically. I would love to have you in hehe.  
> https://discord.gg/eUrmja5y

Hendery ran his fingers through the soft natural hair of the second eldest who was sandwiched between Dejun and him. Hendery gave a small encouraging smile to Dejun, who rubbed the crying boy’s back while the he himself continued to whisper broken English phrases and Thai phrases he had learnt to the smaller boy. Hendery glanced up at Xuxi, Winwin-ge and Yangie who were glancing back and forth between the door and the huddled group. 

After what felt like a million years the door opened and the doctor walked out. Hendery supported Tennie up and bowed. “He will be fine with rest but I think we better talk about more inside.”  
Hendery felt Winwin’s big hand on his back as he walked in with his boyfriends. All of their gazes searched for the eldest right away, who was still in the practice clothes but sporting a oxygen mask, an IV and a more calmer look on his face. 

His attention is taken away by the doctor who starts explaining everything and Hendery felt like he was someone’s punching bag. His heart dropped so low in his stomach with each sentence. He felt sick and angry.

“His ribs are cracked. He also has clear evidence of abuse on his chest. This part will be handled by the company, the authorities and the guardians. The abuse has had a clear mental and physical impact. His body is exhausted and it lacks adequate nourishment. When you got him here, he was having an anxiety attack. “  
The doctor sighs and glances at them. He shuffles the papers, pulling out an X-ray before continuing,”His ribs don’t need any casting but it will hurt a lot. This right here where it will hurt.”  
He points to the centre part of the cage, thin cracks at two points evidently visible. “Bed rest for at least a week. Two weeks is what I would recommend. No moving. Breathing will hurt too. I will write down all the other necessary things in the file.  
And I would recommend having a serious talk with the patient, the company and you guys. Consider therapy, if the attacks continue it will be a necessity and not an option. For now, you can take him home tomorrow evening, given his vitals are normal.” 

Hendery watches as the doctor leaves and they are still left gauging his words. He is pulled out of his shock by Xuxi swearing and moving towards the window, while the youngest goes right to the side of the eldest. “He had something about him that felt so off. I…he was trying to escape earlier.”  
Ten wipes his tears, “We should tell Taeyong and others. They will stop him.” Before he could fish out his phone, Lucas continues, “I locked him up in one of bathroom. I just….had a feeling.” Dejun lets out a chuckles and goes to hug the taller, upset boy. Hendery feels the warmth in his chest, all six of them were proud of how smart Xuxi could be when he wanted. 

Eventually they couldn’t hold back from fussing over their eldest.  
Ten was the first one, the one carrying guilt of fighting with their Kun-ge, blinking back tears as he tucked the blankets more securely around him. 

Yangyang just sat on one side, hesitating to hold Kun-ge’s hand which had the IV in it. Hendery being the closet to him, gave his shoulder a light squeeze and rubbed his neck in hopes of making him relaxed. 

Xuxi sat opposite Yangyang seemingly calm but the constant looking around and the bounce in his leg told Hendery that he was still fretting mentally and waiting for his turn to fuss over the eldest.  
Dejun and Sicheng had stepped out to call Chenle, who was still unaware of what the China unit had found and the NCT leader, Taeyong.  
Hendery finally dared to look at the centre of their attention and his breath still caught in his chest. He wanted to smooth out the little wrinkle between the eyebrows of his boyfriend with a kiss and pull him out of whatever discomfort he felt. Instead he resorted to pulling close another chair to sit next to Yangyang and keep a hand on the knee of the boy on the bed.


	13. Waking Up

Kun’s eyes burned when he opened them only to shut them again, it was a struggle. The pain in his chest had disappeared and his head felt much clearer. He took in the air supplied by the mask and slowly opened his eyes.  
After a few seconds of observing the ceiling he turned his head to see Yangyang’s head on the bed, face framed by the material of his hoodie and his hair. Kun didn’t fail to notice the tear tracks down his face, making Kun’s heart drop. He gently rubs the younger’s cheek with his thumb and moved on to the other figure in the room, Hendery. 

The second youngest’s hand was on Yangyang’s back, other hand supporting his head while he dozed off. Kun couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable he felt but Kun’s eyes were still heavy so he let them shut, drifting off to la la land again. 

The next time Kun woke up, there was a conversation going on in soft whispers. “Johnny hyung, Yuta hyung bragged into the room and almost beat him up. It served him right. Taeyong hyungie was so mad too.”  
“Yes yes but Doyoung hyung was so cool. He only needed few words to make Hyejinn-ssi spill everything.” Kun felt a warm tug at the familiar sound of his babies, Chenle and Renjunnie. 

He opened his eyes to softer yellow glow around the room with all Chinese members on and surrounding the couch and a visibly tired Ten sleeping in Yangyang’s previous place. He instinctively combed his fingers through the silky hair and turned to look at his babies who froze when they saw him.  
Kun could only manage to give them a small uncertain smile before he has Xuxi, Chenle and Yangyang rushing to him and asking him questions way too loud for his liking. Before he could put a finger to his lips and point to Ten, Ten speaks up,”Five steps back. All. Of. You.” 

Kun is amused when they obediently step back except for Chenle who was pulled back by Sichengie. He turns his gaze back to his Thai boyfriend who sat up and removed his mask while holding his hand. “How are you feeling baby?” Oh boy, does Kun’s heart skip in his chest.  
“Fine, tired and sleepy but fine.”  
Ten nods and steps back. Chenle and Renjun step ahead, almost like two shy bunnies but Kun changes his mind when Chenle starts whining, “What is this gege? You promised to meet me before recording. And you nag us for taking care, what’s this huh?”, he emphasise his statement with a pout and small tug at Kun's ear but adds in softly, “Get better so we can go on walks near Han. Renjun won’t go on walks with me.”  
Kun chuckles and lets out a small, “Aiyaa” when the smaller boy moves to choke his didi. Renjun turns to him and smiles, “Get better Kun-ge, you promised to treat me to hot pot.” Kun shakes his head. “Whatever you little devils. How was the recording Angel?” Kun listens to Chenle filling him in at what happens at the company but he takes note of Hendery’s shuffling, Yangyang melting into Xuxi and exchanging small kisses, Dejun zoned out and Ten straightening the blanket. He almost wishes that the dream members wouldn’t leave because Kun knows he won’t survive his boyfriend’s questions and hurtful looks.


	14. Our Snow White

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL ARE NOT READY FOR THIS CHAPTER. LIKE NOOO  
> Alsooo 90 kudos, thankiee.   
> Sorry I am just hangry,  
> peace out.
> 
> PS- Thanks for those lovely comments, they really help write later on.  
> Discord link to appreciate bootyful hoomans like Kun: https://discord.gg/fx3gcKC9

Yangyang got up the moment his dream friends left and poked Kun-ge's arm gently. "Move. Fast, scoot over." He hates how Kun-ge looks almost surprised and the way he winces when he scoots over. He gets on the bed besides his gege and carefully hugs him, avoiding his ribs. He looks up at ge who still looks somewhat surprised but more fond and Yangyang quickly presses his lips against his.  
He pulls away to see Kun-ge smiling and he decides it's what suits him the most rather than the pain filled expression he wore when they rushed him here. He tucks his face in his neck and presses a small peck to the sunken collarbones. Yangyang knew what was to come but he rather be the one to snuggle his gege than question him. 

He feels Dejun ruffling his hair and then silence over takes the room. Each one wondering who will start and where. Hendery decides to break the silence and Yangyang knows without even glancing at the elder boy that he must be picking at his nails, ."Why did he hurt you? I- I mean why did y-you let him? H-how" Yangyang doesn't like how small and stuttering his partner-in-crime's voice sounds. He doesn't like how Kun's fingers which were intertwined with Ten's gave a brief squeeze (Yangyang reaches out and keeps his own hand on theirs) but then again nor does he like the silence in the room.  
"He said that I need more practice. I was falling behind skill-wise. I mean Ten has gotten better and Dejun is naturally talented." A thump sounds the room, it was Xuxi-ge hitting the couch, Yangyang can relate to the frustration. Kun-ge's voice had put all of them to sleep at some point yet here was the same man claiming he lacked skills. Yangyang personally had too many recordings of the vocal line including Winwin-ge singing which he has played repeatedly when he was away or couldn't get them to sing to him.  
"Kun-ge how can you say that?! How? You were the one who taught me over nights to sing all the notes. Ten-ge always comes to you to ask advice and vocal training. So do Chenle and Renjun. How? Just how could you believe what he said?" Yangyang glance up to see that Dejun's loud but trembling words made the eldest shut his eyes and turn away. It hurt their hearts to see the eldest believe such bullshit. 

"It wasn't just singing Dejun-ah. I couldn't keep up with the choreography and the all the schedules. I gained a lot of weight. I couldn't meet the management's expectations so he did what he had to. And just I was doing terrible okay? Let's admit it." Yangyang sees Ten pull away his hand from their warmth and stand up.  
"Yes, lets admit it. You are stupid, Qian Kun. Watch what the hell you are saying. You are the one who spends the most amount of time at the company. In the studio, in the dance room, in the vocal rooms, in the staff meetings. Spending way too much time perfecting everything, taking care of our schedules and being an indestructible wall between us and SM who barely cares since they let all this happen. We let all this happen." Yangyang watches tears fall from his ten-ge's eyes and before he could get up Winwin-ge is there wrapping his arms around the shorter one, letting his rest his head on his shoulder. 

Xuxi vocalises from behind him, stepping closer and wiping away the stray tear from the eldest's cheek whose eyes are shut tight,"Kun-ge you don't have to perfect anything. You already worked hard from the beginning. I never saw you taking a proper break from the day I met you in the practice rooms. And you never stopped looking handsome." Yangyang feels Kun-ge's hand on his back being lifted off and he looks up to see Lucas-ge hold it like he was holding a feather.  
"Ge, I always told you. You are my Snowwhite and I am your Rapunzel. You are our prettiest, handsomest baby Kun-ge." Yangyang smiles when he sees Hendery sniffling and bending over to kiss ge's cheek and Lucas-ge follows. He knows Kun-ge would have a hard time believing them yet but he also knows that Luhen would repeat keep praising their eldest until he accepts it.  
More tears flow down Kun-ge's face, hands trying to pull away from them, "No please. Please no. I-I do-don't deserve you guys. I c-can't lead you. I can't keep you happy. I am s-sorry. You can't love me. I am so sorry. I failed. I failed you guys." Oh how six of their hearts freeze in shock and break and one weeps. 

Sicheng-ge's deep voice makes their head's turn to him other than Kun-ge whose eyes are still shut tight,"Kun-ge, open your eyes. Please. Look at me gege." After some encouragement from all of them Yangyang looks into his ge's beautiful eyes, usually looking like a sky full of stars now reduced to a night with heavy rain. They shift from Yangyang to Winwin who speaks with tone of assurance and clarity, "You keep us happy gege. You being here, with us, alive is the biggest happiness we can ask for. We need you Kun-ge."


	15. Love By My Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is the end of this fic. I really had fun writing this. Poor Kun though. Anyways enjoy this!
> 
> Thanks for 1500+ hits *cries*

Kun's chest hurt more and more. He pulled away from the spirometer, exhaling audibly and hiding his face in Ten's shoulder. He feels a smaller hand rubs his back and another much larger one comb through his hair. He hears Xuxi's deep whisper, "Kun-ge only five minutes more of it left. Then we are done okay baby?"  
"You will get as many kisses as you want when we are done okay?", Ten offers in softer tone. His boyfriends had made it their mission to shower him with love and now here he was in Xuxi's lap with Ten-ah sitting in front of him, making him do his breathing exercises with kisses and cuddles as reward. His mind flashes to Dejun coming to his room after their practices and asking him to talk cause he missed Kun's voice and Yangyang and Hendery stealing kisses and hugs from him unexpectedly whenever they got a chance. Sicheng fretting over him and making him walk while holding hands, tugs a smile on Kun's face and he sits up straighter to finish the task and get the promised reward.

Later when Kun looks around the room, his heart feels full of love. He is cuddled by the youngest three on the couch. Yangyang already asleep with his head on Kun's shoulder and the other two whispering and nudging Kun into the conversation occasionally. The other three are on the floor admist all the blankets, Ten's head in Sicheng's lap and his hand in Xuxi's who is sitting next to Sichengie.  
It's barely been a week and half and Kun's recovery was going well with tons of rest and fussing by his boyfriends. His fears and whispers and scoldings of the ex manager caught upto him more than he had liked to admit but his boyfriends were there to holds his hands, give him kisses and talk him out of his fears. They would make him spill his thoughts and encourage the warm ones while countering the bad ones. Kun couldn't say he was completely fine but with his boyfriends by his side he knows he will be.


	16. Tough Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo thank you so much for all the immense support.  
> This is a bonus chapter to celebrate over 100 kudos, 30 comments and 1500 hits.  
> I felt so happy writing and sharing this work. Please keep supporting on other works. <3333
> 
> Special thanks to @Allrise407, @Yutalover1 for pointing out the incomplete end to the plot *cries* sowwyyy
> 
> Thanks to @Hyuckstan, @rinsmood, @xuxitaeee, @Allrise407, @hazy_dreams (Scribulus), @kunisbae, @iTookJiminsJams for so much of support! <3333 *cries of joy*
> 
> Okay that's it, all the best surviving all this fluff. I know I didn't, I mean this is my ghost. Haha byeee  
> Peace out

After three weeks of rest and being on the receiving end of limitless affection from his boyfriends, Kun was given the go ahead to return to idol life while being advised to still take it slow. Kun couldn't wait, yes he still worked on his music in confines of his room when his boyfriends were busy but he missed the fun and jokes between the dance practice, he missed exchanging loving, encouraging gestures between him and his lovers during shoots, vocal practice and recordings.

But while he was excited, there was a ball of nerves and anxiety simmering in his stomach and Kun knew his boyfriends were well aware of it too.  
Sicheng and Hendery had offered to cook under Kun' watchful eye. Yangyang had showered him with kisses right after walking into the kitchen that morning and then stayed plastered by his side.  
Ten fixed Kun a cute ass outfit, deliberately not straying away from the elder's comfort zone. Plus Ten said Kun looks, "So adorable in that brown sweater with those tiny paws that I want to put you in my fucking pocket" to which Kun simply compared the endearing height difference between himself and the shorter. Ten protested saying he is only six centimetres short before pushing Kun into the bathroom.  
Things had been awkward between him and the dancer for the first few days and they are yet to talk things through but Kun knows Ten has been too careful and hesitant around him and will speak up in his own time, for now this familiar playfulness was a good sign.

Dejun, who had disappeared from home early in the morning, came back and handed Kun a small bouquet of roses and jasmines with a loving kiss. Later on he trailed behind the elder all the way to their company, going out of his way to make a clown of himself and make the producer laugh.  
When they had reached the company, all of them had been called to the meeting room he felt his hand being encased by Xuxi's large one. His Xuxi who had not failed to compliment him and comfort him after spells of anxiety almost each day.

Kun was pulled out of his thoughts when he saw all the eyes on him, glancing nervously back and forth between him and their ex manager, except for Ten who was looking at his shoes. Kun made a mental note to talk to him later, for now he directed his attention back to the man who instilled a whole plethora of fears in him, the one who was kneeling down in front of him, on his knees. Kun was sure it was not guilt but force of the charges the band and the company put against him and also the glares of the senior NCT members, who are still boring holes into his back, that made him apologise and ask for forgiveness.

Kun took a step back as the man crawled forward. "I can't forgive you. You made me feel like shit. You fucked me up and my thoughts and I almost lost everything I worked towards over the last four years, with fuck tons of effort and time." Kun knew he was attracting surprised looks. It wasn't like Kun to swear in professional settings but the man deserved it. "I won't consider taking back charges. So I don't want to see you near me or anyone of us unless its in the court, Hyejinn-ssi." The man looked at Kun in momentary shock and then had the guts to snarl at him and at the same time Xuxi stepped in front of Kun and Johnny hyung and Yuta hyung pulled the abuser away.

Kun didn't have the energy to deal with anything anymore and so he held Xuxi's hand and walked out pulling the taller with him. The moment they were in Kun's studio, Xuxi didn't hesitate to pick Kun up and sit with him on his lap. Kun felt himself being hugged as he gripped the lapels of Xuxi's jacket and willed himself to calm down. Kun would be lying if he said that Xuxi's encouraging whispers didn't play a lion's share in the task of clearing the fog in his mind.

Kun didn't know how long they stayed like that but the next thing he registered was rest of his boyfriends hugging them, comforting Kun with their presence. Kun raised his head up and smiled which immediately vanished when he felt only five bodies. He sat up and looked back to see Tenten in the corner of the studio blinking back tears while looking like a kid getting punished. Kun gently nudged at his other five boyfriends to move and stood up.  
He walked to his Ten-ah and made him sit on a stool gently. He kneeled in front of him and took hold of his hands that were fidgeting with the ring, the ring all of them wore with one symbol for each of them. He rubbed the back of his hands as he mulled over the right words to unravel his boyfriend, "Ten-ah, what's wrong baobei?"

TMI time, although Ten was known to be the one who showers younger ones with loads of love( especially the Maknae line, mostly Yangie) he loved being called baobei, he was Kun's baby, his first boyfriend and it made the younger start sobbing right away. "I am so sorry Kunnie. I was so mean. I-I-I-", Kun watches him melt into another fit of sobs and Kun's heart aches. He reaches up and wipes his tears until he calms down enough to talk. "I said so much of bad stuff about you....so mean...when none of it is true, not even a bit of it."  
Ten slides down the stool and sits in front of him,"Kun your music is magic, it makes me melt into choreos that I didn't even know existed in my mind. You worked so hard every single day. You danced even after practice ended, even during the Black on black era. You...you took so many hard decisions as a leader, even faced the burnt of them. You always know when my knee hurts and even though....even though I push you away, you are still always ready with a heat pack and a shoulder to lean on. You are always there for us no matter what. I want you, I don't want you to be sick like that, not being able to breathe. Please please please K-kun."

Kun wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller man and whispered into his ear softly,"I am not going anywhere Ten-ah, none of us. You have seen my mistakes and still kept me by your side and I will too." He placed a small kiss to the temple of the boy who trembled in his arms."Baobei, no one is leaving you and you can make it upto me okay? I promise I am not mad. Hurt? Yes. Mad? No. Cause I know my beautiful baobei, my angel loves me." Kun sneaks a glance at his other angels who were caught between joining the hug and leaving to give them privacy and opens his arms. He feels Ten chuckle wetly and his own smile grows as five other bodies join them on the floor and Kun feels like he is the most blessed man alive to be home, in arms of his angels.


End file.
